5 Reasons I hate listicles (and why you should hate them too)

1. They use emotive words to raise the hairs on the back of your social justice loving millennial neck.

Use the same kind of caution as if you were driving across a bridge without railings that has a steep drop-off when someone on the internet is says “You should do this, too” That being said, read this listicle on high alert. The machines are always watching you.

2. They want to make everyone morning people.

I can’t figure out why every listicle from tech support to beauty routines tell you to wake up earlier. Please. No. If all my adulting problems could be solved by waking up early I’m sure we’d all be doing it. The truth is you’re just more grumpy and hard to deal with than if you had gotten that extra hour of sweet, life-giving sleep.

3. It oversimplifies the complexity of everyday life.

YOU WILL BE BEAUTIFUL, HAVE PERFECT SKIN, KIDS, GRADES IN THESE FIVE EASY STEPS. You can’t control your life no matter how hard you try. Happiness is the ability to live in an insane world by reveling in our lack of control over anyone else. Beauty is when we move through the chaos and make peace in the midst of it.


4. They give you a mental nail-on-chalkboard feeling.

My brain gags on the list in my head of how I’m already screwing up my unborn children. This “advice” doesn’t help, it turns me into a shallow ghost of a being that has nothing real to offer the world. What listicles fail to do is recognize the limitedness of humanity. We will never be perfect. Honestly, most of us are just trying our best and are tired of MORE rules of how we should live, organically of course.

5. They give you judgement instead of grace.

If I followed every rule of every listicle I’ve ever read I wouldn’t have time for a job, let alone afford lunch after purchasing every product they recommend. Even relaxing has started to come in listicle form. Society pushes you to be the busiest (best) self you can be and then expects you to find your inner zen when they’ve set you up for failure from point 1. 

Now go hate listicles and be cool like me.

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